Ranka's First Ballad
by Ryoji Kabuki
Summary: Ranka was 17 when he realized his deepest affections for a guy. When he's about to confess his feelings, something happens...? R&R.
1. I was 17, he was 22

Ranka's First Ballad

Alternate Universe; Ranka was 17 when he realized his deepest affections...for a guy. But just when he was about to confess his feelings, someone else came into the picture...?

Episode 1: I was 17, he was 22

25 December 1988

Merry Christmas.

I couldn't concentrate at work today. Oh well, there weren't many customers to begin with. But the shift seemed forever, and I was really bored to tears.

Until that guy came along...

He wanted a pack of cigarettes. I knew he's legal age, yet for some odd reason I asked to see his ID which he obliged instantly. 14 February 1966. Wow, so he's a Valentine's baby. I quickly handed him the cigarettes and passed back his ID to avoid suspicion. Yes, I was somewhat drawn to his presence. He's tall and lean, accompanied by such smooth and pleasant facial features. Sheesh, by time he left the store I found a trail of saliva down my chin. Yuck. YUCK. Thankfully there wasn't anyone else to witness that. And so, it was really a long shift. My mind kept drifting away to wonderland. To that cigarette guy.

After work, I headed home. Home's sure a lot different when one hits independence and decides to move. When I first rented a space I was both happy and uncertain. And it was a few months before I grew really used to the place. Well, actually...sometimes I still get freaked out by weird noises popping out from nowhere. I would like to think my place is not haunted.

Christmas. I like Christmas. The carols and beautiful decorations all over town. The Santa Claus and his reindeer travelling places and handing out presents to kids. I used to hang stockings when I was much younger. And Santa would give me lots of candy and soft toys. I guess the novelty disappeared when I realized how fast I'd matured. Now, it's me and the television.

Some Christmas movie special...guess I will settle for that.

_Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way..._

Hmm, that male lead looked a lot like the cigarette guy...shit, why am I thinking of him? And why the constant reference to him as the cigarette guy? He should have a proper name! Thing is, I didn't look closer at his ID. Sheesh. And another trail of saliva down the chin. What's with my sudden infatuation? At this rate I might end up devouring him.

Back to reality, Ranka. _Back to reality!_

Sheesh. I should just turn off the TV and go sleep.

* * *

_Ranka-san..._

Nani? Who's there?

_Ranka-san...over here. Over here!_

(RING!!!)

Sheesh, time to wakey already? Yawn. Believe it or not, the convenience store isn't employing new staff. And I feel so abused here, having to work on national holidays. So it's me, the manager and one more guy who's struggling for his college entrance exams. And seriously, why the extra workload when he's already got so much to worry? Some things are just beyond comprehension.

26 December 1988

Happy Boxing Day.

Today was a nightmare. First, the cash register malfunctioned and caught fire (!?) but thankfully the money was safely retrieved. Then, three light tubes went out and I burnt my fingers trying to change them. And to top that up, the ladder gave way for some odd reason and I thought I was about to die, or get paralyzed from spinal injuries. Lucky thing was, the cigarette guy appeared and happened to grab me before anything else. Oh my hero! _Puke._

Oh did I mention...the _cigarette guy?_ Count myself extremely lucky, and luckier for being able to hear him speak more than usual.

"Daijobu desu ka?" Oh god, please let me melt in his words. His voice is so sexy! He looked at me quite coldly yet I could sense some anxiety in him. Oh god.

"Hai, daijobu desu. Gomen ne." I quickly got up and recovered the scattered tools. As I approached the counter I could sense his cold glances. Sheesh, I must have had caused myself so much embarrassment. As I settled down by the cash register I waited for his usual request. He knew what he wanted yet he had this habit of scanning the entire cigarette compartment, as if he was looking for something else. Well, that gave me more time to observe his...uh...good looks. I'm so evil.

Well, he did catch me looking at him though. But he kept his coldness mode and asked for his usual brand of cigarettes. I collected his payment and watched him leave the store. Sigh, such a cold person. He could have made a little small talk to make me swoon. In my dreams. The moment he left, my nightmare was back to haunt me. This time it was the personal hygiene shelf. The entire rack of tampons and such crashed down and practically made my life more miserable since I'm not trained in the carpentry department. Sheesh. As if it wasn't already bad enough to work on a national holiday. _Woe is me._

And I thought I heard that voice...again.

"Need help?" God, please just kill me with that sexy voice! The cigarette guy was standing right behind, and I went red as this was another big embarrassment to be witnessed by him. Without waiting for my response, he picked up some nails, screws and such and gestured me to one corner while he fixed that terrible mess on my behalf. God, he looked so...oh my, my eyes could go blind anytime!

"Today's just not your day..." The cigarette guy mumbled as he finished up the last fixes on that damn shelf. I blushed and didn't answer. He turned around and handed me the tools. I thanked him and quickly put back the toolbox.

What came out of his mouth next almost made me trip and fall.

"You like me, don't you?" He had this smirk on his face which I couldn't make up my mind whether he's being sarcastic or not. I just stood there, not knowing what to reply.

"I tell you what, I like you...and I want to date you." God, please just slice off my ears. I couldn't believe what I had heard. He repeated that line and the next thing he did was simply close to death-inducing.

_He kissed me._

Kamisama!

(to be continued)


	2. First Date

Ranka's First Ballad

Episode 2: First Date

It's no ordinary first date of mine. And I was panicky, because the cigarette guy had just asked me out. I had a few more hours left before the college guy comes in. Suddenly my mind was overflowing with weird thoughts and funny ideas. The cigarette guy stood by the counter, half the time looking at me with that smirk on his face. I couldn't stop my poor face from blushing a dangerous red, and I couldn't bring myself to ask him out of the store. Well, technically he's a disturbance. I wanted to make up my mind, but the more I struggled. He was so sexy and cool.

"You know...most guys will stand outside the store and wait." I finally cooked up some courage to talk a little sense to him.

"Oh, am I disturbing you? But you don't have customers." He winked at me, causing me to blush redder. I became quite fidgety yet I just couldn't calm down with his presence.

"And I'm not disturbing you. I'm _flirting_ with you." He brought his head closer to mine, and I could feel my insides turning hot. God, please just kill me. I knew I was the weaker link, yet I had no intention to hide it. I mean, it's not everyday some hot stuff walks up to me and declares he wanna date me...so call it a desperate soul's desire. And so he attempted to kiss me, but I quickly pulled myself away. He gave a chuckle and another smirk before turning his head towards the sliding door.

"Hmm, I think I will go outside and have a smoke. Catch you later." Wow, that was fast. A while ago he was _flirting_ with me. Well, I guess he had the urge. The minty cigarettes he bought didn't quite fit in with his image. He was cool. Sexy. Unpredictable. Yes, the unpredictable part was when he suddenly stole a kiss from me. Minty cigarettes were usually bought by working execs. Unless he used to be one. Or maybe it'd always been his preference. And so he stood outside the store, with a trail of smoke lingering along his translucent frame.

The hours went by like snails on a hundred metres dash. He didn't disturb me. Call it a contradiction. I felt a little lonely. Anyway the poor college boy came in for his shift, and he looked terribly mangled. Seriously, the manager should employ more people. The cigarette guy was waiting patiently, and what a heavy smoker he was! A pack of minty cigarettes in three hours? He spotted me and grinned. I smiled back, not knowing how this first date would turn out.

"Shall we go?" He walked very close to me, and I had a hard time deciding whether I should keep a considerable distance. Oh well, it didn't work out anyway. He had his right hand on my shoulder.

"Where we going?" I had to ask.

"Hmm, how about a love hotel?" I almost slipped and fell. That guy could kill me with his ridiculously crude words. He laughed heartily while I simply stood there blushing.

"Kidding you. I'm starving, so let's go eat!"

Honestly, one would expect the setting to be a little more romantic. But since the cigarette guy was hungry, I couldn't possibly say anything else for fear he might just collapse on the streets and die of cold and hunger. And I don't think I could bring myself into a love hotel. That would make myself seem _very very _desperate. Enough said. So we went to this ramen stall and ordered two bowls of spicy pork ramen. The cigarette guy also asked for warm _sake_, and he helped me pour a cup. His trademark smirk remained glued to his face as he mumbled a soft _kanpai_ and brought his cup to mine. Somehow that cup of _sake_ didn't help soothe my tension. I was feeling all fidgety and hot. Great. I was desperate...to some extent. It didn't matter if I would be labeled as a slut or anything similar. I kind of welcomed the idea of him all over me. Sheesh. And I almost forgot about the ramen. I quickly slurped the warm noodles, half-trying to erase all those naughty and wild thoughts about him. Maybe I tried a little too hard. The next thing I knew was endless coughing due to accidental choking on the spicy broth. Sheesh. The cigarette guy kept hitting my back and I felt extremely embarrassed. Well, not much was shared during the meal anyway. He slurped down his ramen and finished off another bottle of warm _sake_. I managed to finish my noodles in the end.

"Thanks for the meal." I mumbled while trying my best not to look at him. Did I mention his eyes could really seduce? Too dangerous to leave them rolling around.

The cigarette guy stopped in front of me. He grabbed hold of my arms and pulled me into a tight embrace. Without waiting for my response, he hugged me tighter while whispering extremely suggestive remarks into my ears. My face went a deep red and I could feel myself sticking onto him like a wet sponge. Then he held up my face and planted a deep kiss on my slightly-cracked lips. Somehow I just couldn't move a single inch of my body on my own will. My face couldn't blush any redder. After kissing me for like...three to five minutes, he stopped to catch his breath. The minty residue from those cigarettes didn't seem to wear off even with all the ramen and _sake _he had.

I thought I could shift my body a little, but he gave me no chance. He kissed me again, and this time his tongue swirled its way into my mouth. God. This was simply too hot to handle! My tongue met his tongue and we were playing around like nobody else's business.

Finally, I could find myself moving a little. I looked at him while gasping slightly for air. He wore his usual smirk and held my hands.

"So where we going?" I knew it was obvious with all that had happened. Yet I simply had to ask.

This time, he simply led the way.

(to be continued)


	3. Intimacy

Ranka's First Ballad

Episode 3: Intimacy

27 December 1988

That night, we did it. Well, in an odd humourous sense.

Turned out he was actually inexperienced, and that was a big contrast compared to his flirting and kissing episodes. Took him five condoms to get it right. Well, six. I offered to help him with the first one but I think I'd dug my nails in a little too hard. One side got punctured and the thing went crooked. I laughed nervously but I think he didn't mind a single bit. He told me to just lie down comfortably and he'd take care of the rest. It was another few minutes before he successfully slid on and I was on the verge of dozing off. Actually my eyes did close for a while. The bed's too comfy!

"If it hurts, tell me." God, the way he said it made me swoon. I blushed a little as I watched him slowly put his manhood in the tunnel. Well, with some difficulty. Turned out the tunnel was a little narrow. Either that, or his manhood's simply too big. But that determined look on his face was so comforting...and sexy. By time he managed to get in, his body was half-drenched in perspiration.

God, his movements didn't hurt at all. He was so gentle with this whole thing. He leaned forward to kiss me and we did this tongue fight repeatedly. Then his tongue went down to my chest, swirling around my nipples like a hungry animal. I moaned softly while caressing his hair. He continued his little game and I couldn't help but moan for him to stop. The feeling was great but too ticklish. Somehow he thought I was begging for him to _continue_ and I'd no choice but to endure a little longer. When the little game's done he brought his head up, revealing the trademark smirk. I blushed deeper, and brought my lips against his. The sensation was simply too...orgasmic. His manhood was still in the tunnel rocking softly. God, why is he so hot?

"You like it?" He grinned mischieviously. The answer was so obvious, yet I couldn't bring myself to be so direct about it. I simply blushed. He licked the sides of my neck and brought his left hand down to my manhood. He used his fingers to play around the foreskin...the balls...the tip...every corner of it. God. He gave no chance for me to think about other things. My mind and body were all over him. Sadistic this might sound, but being trapped in him gave me pleasure. Ultimate pleasure.

The pleasure went on...and on...and on. He brought his manhood out and we both ejaculated. And we kissed each other deeply before hugging to sleep.

And this morning I had to work. Sheesh. All that love-making had worn me out.

"Don't go to work." He whispered. His arms were still locked around me.

"I have to. The store has only three people." I said.

"Is your manager sick or what?" He let out a sigh. Realizing the pun, I chuckled softly.

"Terminal illness. Thing is, he's not dying anytime soon." I teased.

He unlocked his arms and I turned myself over to face him. For someone who had just woke up, he looked really handsome. He leaned closer and kissed my forehead. I smiled as I reciprocated the kiss. Too bad for both of us, because I really had to work. I stretched out my arms and let out a deep sigh. Work. I dreaded the idea for once, mainly because I didn't feel like leaving the post-love-making effect.

"Let's go..." I whispered. He smiled and nodded.

There was no time for breakfast together, so we parted ways outside the love hotel. As I watched his back slowly faded into the morning crowd, I couldn't help but sigh. Would the intimacy lead on to something deeper? As in...true love? I asked myself. Do I really...love him? Sure, he was awesome...but was that all? Somehow I got a little confused. Do I want his love or his body? Damn. This felt like an exam. As if my work wasn't already hard enough. Life's toughest questions. Yuck.

And when he said he loves me, did he really mean it? Argh at this rate I might as well turn insane and start killing every gorgeous man down the street.

Work was boring as usual. Sold six packets of instant ramen and two packs of three-ply toilet rolls. He didn't pop by. Then it occurred to me that he might be working too. Damn I'd made myself look so desperate. I stared blankly into space, half-glancing at the clock hoping it's time to knockoff. Tick tock tick. Tock tick tock.

_I need a hobby._ Duh.

Finally. Time to go off. I stretched my arms and let out a yawn as I stood outside the store. Not many people around. Somehow I was hoping I could see him. Hoping to get a second date. Hoping to deepen the relationship with him. Well, if he ever thought there's one. Or my thought. Or both.

Then somehow it also occurred to me that he might be lying all the while. He didn't mean it with whatever he had said. He simply wanted a one-night-stand. God suddenly I felt so desperate...for him to be around.

"Daijobu?" A familiar sound filled with concern. I jumped slightly before turning around. And there he was, with his trademark smirk and minty cigarette scent.

At that moment I wasn't sure how to react. I simply threw myself at him. I didn't care how he would respond. I needed him so badly. Although I could sense a little chuckle from him. He caressed my hair affectionately as I remained tight in my embrace. I thought I felt my eyes welling up. The emotional outburst didn't seem to turn him off. He hugged me. He didn't push me away.

"Daijobu?" His voice asked again.

"Hai..." I whispered.

He brought my face up to meet his. I saw his eyes. Such beautiful and sexy eyes. He wiped the tears off my cheeks and placed his lips onto my forehead. God that felt so soothing. _I really love him._

"Let's go." He smiled at me.

That smile. _That_ smile. Indescribable. How he did it I couldn't understand. That smile.

"Where...where we going?" I asked.

"Our second date."

At that moment, I was at a loss of words.

_Our second date._

He meant it.

He wasn't lying to me.

"Shall we?" He squeezed my arm lightly.

I simply nodded.

And that was enough.

(to be continued)


	4. Unhappy New Year?

Ranka's First Ballad

Episode 4: (Un)happy New Year?

31 December 1988

Can _anyone _believe it? I'd to work on New Year's eve – breathe in breathe out – and the poor college guy got worse. He's down with some odd type of flu which wouldn't go away, and it didn't help that earlier on he had been slogging non-stop for his 'future'. Anyway the poor mother of his called in and all the manager said over the phone was, "No problem, he can rest for as long as he likes." Get the picture? The college guy's fired. End of story.

And with only me remaining, I bet my life's cut short by another 25 years. The manager didn't have to explain stuff. His permanent intention of not hiring would probably be buried with him at his grave. God forbid him to use his brains for anything else other than sex. Speaking of which, he had taken two strawberry packs off the rack before leaving.

Wait, people _don't _use their brains for sex. The penis doesn't grow from there in the first place. It's really weird to see some wobbling thing sitting on top of the head. Maybe the manager's detachable. _Some assembly required_. Eew. And so the store's all peace and quiet. Sometimes I wonder why the manager doesn't consider closing down the store. Poor customer flow, poor sales, no extra staff, no extra benefits blah blah blah. And majority of the stuff here were already past expiry dates. Cat food with worms, anyone?

And if you wonder why I never quit, it's because I need the money. Yeah the same old lame reason. But thing is, almost every job out there people are working for the cash. The so-called perks and benefits are not as attractive as they sound. Come to think of it, the store's not even profitable...then how did my salary come about? Okay, wild imagination. Earth to Ranka.

Half the time I was spacing out at the counter, fantasizing my sexual retreat with the cigarette guy. The idea of him hiding at one corner and grabbing me from behind all of a sudden...hmm sadistic but a definite turn-on. I was hoping for some form of a special night, since it'd be the countdown of a brand new year. Maybe I should stay on to this job. Gives me room and time to fantasize. The clock went from four to five, five to six, six to seven...

7:30pm. The manager came in with someone. Some lolita. Still in her school uniform. The duo kissed passionately by the door and I'd to look elsewhere before the manager gestured for me to leave. There's probably gonna be one big pool of semen and lube for me to clean up. Somewhere. Maybe the aisle where the cat food is kept. Better still if there're worms involved. God I feel so evil. Like real. Hell with the manager and his penis-on-the-head.

I stood outside the store, half-anticipating the cigarette guy and his 'sudden movements'. Well, people say too much anticipation isn't good. But because it's the cigarette guy, and he's too hot and nice. Desperate mode fully activated. Maybe I should come with a set of labels. Cold fish, half-melted ice, warm blanket, smooth motor, full blast, red alert and Dante's Peak. I decided to walk a little down the street since waiting outside the store didn't help much. The crescent moon was up, and bright lights decorated some of the places. Bound to be a lot of parties tonight. The cigarette guy was nowhere to be seen. So much for anticipating. But it'd be kind of sad if he and I couldn't spend the countdown together.

From 8 to 9. 9 to 10. 10 to 11.

I felt a little stupid. Three hours gone and no sign of him. All that anticipation was merely a sign of desperation. I knew it, yet I chose to believe he would come by. I walked down the same street multiple times, hoping he would be somewhere. Many people had gathered outside, awaiting the big countdown bash. Balloons, party hats, confetti, whistles...

Then. 11:59pm.

The cheering and whistling. Everyone's getting ready.

"It's the time everybody!" Someone shouted over a loudspeaker. More cheering and whistling could be heard. Loud music played. I felt suffocated. I had to get out of there.

10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

And...

1.

01 January 1989

I saw him.

He looked drunk.

His trademark smirk.

He was kissing...

With a woman.

He did catch my eyes though.

But I guess he wasn't bothered.

That trademark smirk never left his face once.

That woman...she didn't look too bad, but that's not the main point.

I didn't even feel the urge to slap anyone of them.

What a way to kick-start the new year.

_Should all acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind. Should all acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind._

Tears are supposed to taste salty. But that night, mine was filled with bitterness.

(to be continued)


	5. Fate and Destiny

Ranka's First Ballad

Episode 5: Fate and Destiny

And so, I told the manager about my decision to quit the job. He didn't bother much, for his entirety was all focused on that lolita. I left the store without another word. It was pouring quite heavily, but I guess it didn't matter. I was hoping the downpour could wash away all my negative vibes. There wasn't a need for a brolly or raincoat. When I was younger, I used to think getting drenched was fun. The cool running water trickling down the skin. I wasn't worried I'd catch a flu or anything. I just needed an outlet to release the pain. All of it. The heavy gushes of water felt nice. As I ran down the street, I could feel an invisible rhythm on par with the falling rain. My shirt and jeans were all plastered to my body. They felt a little heavy, but I didn't care. I continued running for a while. Those unwanted fragments that I had to dispose. The minty scent which had since turned forgotten. Every part of him I wanted to remove from my memory bank.

Fate brought him to me, yet we weren't destined to be together. I had to recover, for fear I would brood too much and do something silly. I retreated back home and sobbed quietly under the covers. Yeah I still needed to cry. For a while. If I hadn't been lingering around that street, would I have known the awful truth? He might just continue his sweet talk and constant yarns and I would probably believe every single thing. Those few days of knowing him. I won't deny I was happy during that brief period. But what I didn't foresee was that it's a big lie all along. I should have known better. I felt so naïve. He made me feel so over-the-top, and then he pushed me downhill. A big push. Thank god I discovered it early. At least the post-effects wouldn't be so critical.

That woman. Well I don't blame her. She's also a victim. The cigarette guy was merely playing around, with no true intention of getting into a real relationship. Maybe she knew that too. Maybe she chose to play around as well. For me, I didn't know it until then. I was too occupied with all that anticipation and fantasizing. I was too desperate. I thought he would be the one. All those wishful thinking of mine. I wish to forget.

That guy never appeared ever since. Drunk or sober, it was all part of his agenda. I rest my case.

**6 months later.**

01 July 1989

"Ranka-san, I'm running late! I will leave this to you, domo arigato!" I'm now an assistant of the local grocer, a few minutes away from my new residence. The boss is a nice man, and his wife had hired enough manpower to rotate all shifts. On a few occasions, we had free groceries as part of reward. Time heals. At least it healed my wounds. By then I'd stopped thinking about what happened.

I was arranging the final stack of oranges when I heard footsteps coming in. The slightly-husky voice of a woman called out from one of the aisles.

"Sumimasen..."

I traced the voice and found her at the sweets and pickles. She was carrying a basket filled with nothing but pickles. Pickled mango slices. Pickled plums. Pickled guava. More pickled plums. Wow. Is she suffering from some rare disorder?

"Hai, can I be of assistance?" I asked politely. The woman smiled and enquired about...more pickles. But I still helped her anyway. God _she's a beauty. _Despite the husky voice, her facial features were more of a sweet nature. And she's got big boobs. Oops.

"Can I pay by card?" The woman asked as she piled her harvest by the counter. I smiled and nodded. As I keyed in all the prices she fished out a card from her purse. She handed the card to me and I caught a quick glance of her picture and name.

After she had signed the receipt, she scooped up all three bags worth of pickles and headed out the store with surprising ease. I saw her back slowly faded out of sight, and I thought I heard myself mumbling her name repeatedly.

_Kotoko. Kotoko. Kotoko._

(to be continued)


	6. A Lawyer's Touch

Ranka's First Ballad

Author's Note

Domo arigato for the little reviews coming in...okay there were 2 but better than none! And beginning from this chapter, the pace will be sped up but not tremendously. I hope. - sweatdrops – Anyway, do look out for a few twists here and there. Hopefully there are some. - more sweatdrops – Yoroshiku.

Episode 6: A Lawyer's Touch

Thing is, that brief encounter was all. For the next few days, weeks and even months I did not get to see Kotoko again. I told myself I wasn't falling for a customer who bought a mountain of pickles from the shop. But why was it that everytime her name would repeatedly flash across my mind? Damn. I must stop thinking about her. It wouldn't do me or her any justice, especially when I just got out of a love problem. Falling in love should be the last thing in my agenda. If possible, none to speak of. Kotoko was merely a quick flash of infatuation. Yes yes yes, I must quickly snap out of this one. And I love guys, not...girls? Shit! Damn it, now my mind's crooked. I thought I'd always been homo! A hint of bisexuality? God forbid! Chotto matte. Okay I must calm down and think. Think, Ranka, think. Repeat this a million times. _Do not fall in love with Kotoko. _Over my dead body.

With a little success, life went on quite well despite rare outbursts of Kotoko-in-my-mind. And just when I least expected her to appear, she did.

25 December 1989

Christmas. I didn't have to work. I decided to embrace the festive joy by roaming around the streets. The mood was there. I told myself to be happy. There's nothing wrong about singlehood. I looked at the Christmas lights. I looked at people. I bought myself a Santa hat. I tried humming a few carols. The atmosphere was peaceful and happy.

Then, I saw her. Kotoko.

She was half-sipping off a styrofoam cup outside a cafe. I wasn't sure if she could still recognize me, but I decided to go greet her anyway. She sensed my approach and caught me off-guard with a warm, gentle smile. _She remembers me. _To be safe, I simply said hello.

"Hello...uh, Merry Christmas!" I said.

"I remember you. You work at the grocer's, am I right?" She smiled. God she remembered everything! Then she remembered the mountain of pickles she bought. We engaged in small talk, and that was when I decided to move one step closer.

"Uh, pardon my rudeness, but are you seeing anyone currently?" I didn't want to look at her in the eye. I was too nervous. Kotoko went silent for a while. I thought that was it. I ruined the conversation. But Kotoko regained her words just before I could do anything else.

"I'm pregnant." Was all she said. I turned to look at her with eyes wide enough to make the pupils droop off. Kotoko looked at the ground in silence. I didn't know what I should say. Thing is, Kotoko said that as if it was meant to happen, and that it didn't come all of a sudden. I was desperately trying to think of something to say. Kotoko remained silent. Then I forced myself to say something.

"Oh, congratulations...I mean that's wonderful news. How many months are you now?"

"Believe it or not, the baby could come anytime." Kotoko replied. I was even more shocked. Anytime? Kotoko lifted her head and turned to me. She smiled out of the blue. "No worries, I'm not unhappy or anything. Since I'm with child I need to be strong enough for both of us. Abortion is the last thing I think about. I may not look like it but I'm more strong-willed than most think. When I bought those pickles from you, that was an obvious sign. Unless someone is really obsessed with sour things, if not, only mothers-to-be will tackle pickles. Perhaps my body has always been a fascinating structure, for my pregnancy hardly reflects during the course. Look at me, I'm not wearing maternity clothes. This is normal winter stuff."

I looked at her more closely. Yes, normal winter wear. I was even more speechless. Kotoko said those things way too naturally. No hint of bitterness whatsoever. She sensed my doubts and smiled even bigger.

"I'm fine. I've always been one strong woman. Do you know my dream's to become a successful lawyer? Right now I'm almost there...at the finishing point. I believe I can still become a successful person even with child. There has to be faith and determination." She said all in one breath.

I felt myself a loss for words. Yet I managed to stutter a bit.

"Uh...so...who's the father?"

Kotoko shook her head. "Nobody. Just pretend this child is a blessed gift from God."

"Uh..."

"You know something? The baby doesn't give me problems at all. I don't get morning sickness or anything unpleasant. This is a good baby." Kotoko smiled.

I could do nothing except to smile in return. This is one strong woman, and she knew what she was doing. I decided to give her my sincere wishes and support.

Literally.

And in the midst of all the carols, Kotoko and I embraced.

(to be continued)


	7. Father

Ranka's First Ballad

Episode 7: Father

It wasn't a dream. Kotoko and I did get together, although our status was more of a brother-sister bond. I had felt something for her, but at the same time I didn't want to rush anything. And it wouldn't do good if anything else had to go wrong, especially with Kotoko's pregnancy which I still needed time getting used to. Ironic isn't it? I'm not the biological father yet I could still feel a lot for Kotoko and her baby. Damn. This is love...or not. Definitely not sympathy, since Kotoko would never tolerate that. But there was one thing I felt a little disturbed about. There should be a biological father somewhere. I mean, there's no way a woman can get pregnant without a man's deed. I didn't want to force anything out of Kotoko, since she should be having more rest and less emotional outburst. I kept wondering who the hell the man was. I visited Kotoko frequently, bringing her soup and pickles. No, we didn't cohabit. No point drawing gossip. I mean we weren't officially dating, and with her pregnancy and stuff, the last thing that I wanted was people calling Kotoko rude names. Her pregnancy had remained a secret though, and because her stomach hardly showed signs, nobody else in her neighbourhood had suspected a thing. Yet to be safe I refused to allow myself to move any step closer in the relationship. Once the baby's out, there's definitely more to think about. And that brings me back to the biological father issue. Damn.

"Ranka-san? Ranka-san..." Kotoko snapped me out of my deep thoughts. I smiled back and sat by the table. I had brought pickles for her and a while ago I was still standing by the window. Nice scenery by the way. Kotoko looked so much like a typical housewife. But when she talked, the feeling's completely different. The lawyer's tone was evident in certain things she talked about. Sometimes she would bring out a huge stack of law books and read them like as if they were story books for children.

"Here, have some tea." Kotoko smiled as she placed a cup at where I was. I nodded and took a small sip. Nice tea. Kotoko sat opposite and began flipping one of her huge law books. It was kind of refreshing to see a person study, since I never had a chance to continue schooling. Kotoko had a strong span of attention when books were concerned. I sat in comfortable silence as I watched her flip pages. Occasionally she would bring her head up and smile at me.

"Strange that you aren't bored." Kotoko said, still smiling. I blushed a little.

"Well, it's refreshing to see somebody study." I replied.

"I'm gonna work hard to give my baby the best." Kotoko said with determination. I smiled. No surprise for that's bound to happen. I helped myself to more tea as Kotoko resumed studying. The day never felt slow. In fact I'd wished for it to be slower.

"Kotoko-san, I need to use your bathroom." I chuckled and got up. Kotoko smiled and nodded. I made my way to the bathroom. Closing the door I heaved a sigh. I'd sat a little too long. Watching Kotoko study could really make me forget all about peeing. Damn.

As I washed my hands at the sink, I looked around the bathroom. Kotoko's really a strong and independent woman. The bathroom's all clean and odourless. I turned my back and saw a pink windbreaker hanging on the door hook. Kotoko didn't have to wear maternity. I glanced at the windbreaker with a smile.

Until I saw it.

**-**

I would like to think it wasn't a cycle of some sort. But hell it was. I could really kill someone. That street had remained the same. The cold and windy nights that swept by. The dim lights. The few people who walked by. That store. And all my unwanted memories. The bitterness came back at one big shot, causing me to mutter some excuse and leave Kotoko's house. I didn't care if Kotoko would suspect a thing. I was too filled with hatred and anger. Hatred and anger for that person who started it all. Why did it have to be him of all people? Coincidence? Kotoko didn't look like someone who would be associated with him in any way. The street became too familiar, and it wasn't long before I was greeted with an even familiar sight. He was kissing a woman at one dark corner. But I could still see him. That trademark smirk he would wear. The classic good looks. Those eyes. I felt my fists clenching tightly. I approached them without thinking further. I had to do something.

The woman screamed and took off. I delivered a huge punch across his face, sending a big spurt of blood onto the ground. He gave a surprised look yet he couldn't make out who I am. I grabbed him at his collar and delivered another blow on his face. He yelped and fell onto the ground. I sent another few punches repeatedly onto his face. He had no time to respond, for he was half-drunk. Bastard. I grabbed him by the collar again and pinned him against a wall. I punched his abdomen and kicked him at the groin. He screamed. But I knew there wasn't anyone around who could hear him. The street was too quiet. I punched him again and again. But thing is, the more I punched I could feel my own tears streaming down. I was tearing. For Kotoko. For myself. Maybe for those poor women (and men) who had been deceived by him. Soon he collapsed onto the ground unconscious. I wept uncontrollably by his side. All of a sudden I felt so defenceless. My hands were covered in blood. Maybe some were mine.

"You...you...son of a bitch! Why must you do that to us?" I hollered at the unconscious body. I felt the pain rising inside me all over again. The thought of Kotoko and myself being fooled by him simply hurt. _This is for Kotoko, if not for me._

**-**

"Ranka-san? Ranka-san!" I stirred and saw a familiar face looking at me worriedly and tearfully. Kotoko. I didn't know what to say. Kotoko ran towards me and hugged me tightly. I could feel her tears on my hair and neck. She didn't say anything else. She simply hugged me and cried. A police officer came by and calmed her down. She regained her composure and sat on the chair opposite him.

"Kotoko-san? Mr. Fujioka had assaulted a man an hour ago. The victim is severely injured and I'm afraid Mr. Fujioka is gonna be charged for that." The police officer said in one breath. Kotoko continued to weep by the table. She didn't plead or anything. My guess is that she knew the true reason behind my deed. She had known the truth. Kotoko looked at me with eyes filled with many emotions I couldn't decipher all at once. But I knew one thing for certain. _She doesn't hate me._

"Kotoko-san, Mr. Fujioka will be brought to court once he's been charged. During this point of time he will be kept behind in our station..." Those words were said and final. Kotoko sat in dead silence yet her eyes never left me. I could feel my heart shatter. But honestly I never regretted my deed. Kotoko might not like this, but I just had to do something.

With that, Kotoko and I were apart. Physically but never mentally.

**-**

"Mr. Fujioka? You have a visitor." A warden popped by the cell and informed me. I stirred a little and rubbed my eyes. The warden unlocked the cell and I was led to the visitors' booth. As the door opened, I could hear two voices. One's familiar but the other's not. I stopped abruptly when I was greeted by Kotoko...and someone I'd never seen before.

"Ranka-san...look who's here to see you!" Kotoko smiled proudly as she lifted the other visitor up and closer to the booth. "Ranka-san, this is our baby!" Kotoko said with a slight choke in her voice. At that instance I could feel my eyes welling up. _Our baby._ Kotoko had given birth to such a pretty baby. I could no longer control myself. I wept as I saw the baby's face, arms and legs. And the smile on Kotoko's face. This is our baby. A baby girl. Despite the barrier, I felt that I'd already managed to touch the baby. Such a soft and gentle calmness. Kotoko looked up at me and said softly, "Baby and I will wait for your return, Ranka-san! Ganbatte ne! Baby and I will also be strong, so please don't worry."

The baby was sleeping so calmly in Kotoko's arms. I managed a weak smile as I looked back at Kotoko with a newly-found determination. For Kotoko and our baby girl.

"Baby, do you like your daddy? Isn't he a nice man?" Kotoko cooed at the baby. Kotoko never thought twice about bringing the baby for a prison visit. She believed that the child should see her father. Her father. Me. Deep inside Kotoko's heart she had already acknowledged me as the father of her child. Our child.

"Ranka-san, would you like to name our baby?" Kotoko smiled. I was at a moment's loss. "You want me to name the baby?" "Yes of course, you're the father." Kotoko mock scolded. I smiled weakly as I racked my brains to think of a name. A simple nice name.

"Haruhi. Let's call our baby Haruhi. Fujioka Haruhi." I said softly. Kotoko beamed upon hearing that name and nodded in agreement. "Yes that's a beautiful name. Full of hope and beauty. Haruhi." Kotoko turned to the baby and cooed, "Haruhi our precious musume..."

It was then Haruhi broke into sudden cries. Sudden but with a hint of delight. Kotoko and I smiled at each other. Our Haruhi.

"I love you and Haruhi..." I said.

Kotoko smiled, "Of course, and I love you too."

(to be continued)


	8. Truth

Ranka's First Ballad

Author's Note

Domo arigato for the reviews. Really appreciate that!

The following chapter is an alternate expansion of Episode 7. Exactly what did Ranka see in the washroom? More in-depth to Ranka's emotions and thoughts.

Episode 8: Truth

_I turned my back and saw a pink windbreaker hanging on the door hook. I glanced at the windbreaker with a smile._

_Until I saw it._

"Kotoko...I come visit you another day, I need to run some errands." I mumbled an excuse as convincingly as possible. Kotoko smiled and nodded. She got up and opened the door for me. I said farewell and took my leave. As soon as I was downstairs I made a dash to a nearby alley. I could feel my heart burning with mixed emotions. Anger. Pain. Disbelief. Hatred. Sadness. I wasn't sure if I could face Kotoko, but something else had told me that I'd to do something for her. She's pregnant, and to think she had to live a life as a single mother at such a young age. It's even more painful that she didn't even think of asking the bastard to pay for the consequence. _She is too kind. _To the extent it seems like a fault. A blessed gift from God? I don't think so. Pregnancy is the deed of man and woman through intercourse. No woman gets pregnant _just like that._ There has to be some form of an activity. God. I had never felt so complicated before. Why would anyone wanna hurt Kotoko? Just because she's nice? Easy target? God. And why must that person be him? That someone we both knew. If only I didn't set my eyes deeper into that pink windbreaker...

A photograph. A cigarette. And an endless flashback. That night.

_I was walking down the street rather aimlessly. It was a few hours before the big countdown. Everywhere was filled with anticipation towards a brand new year. People were cheering and getting into the mood. But I was lonely. I had waited for him to come by, yet all that wait was merely a sign of desperation. Those few hours of aimless wander...and I still waited. In the midst of that festive mood I felt so desperate for him to hold me close and to say he loves me. But all that was in vain. The time passed bit by bit, until it was about time to usher the new year. Then people started counting down...10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...and..._

_1._

_I thought I saw someone familiar. A man whom I loved. Kissing and whispering intimately. Another girl. His trademark smirk. All were too familiar. I wasn't sure what I should do. They looked so happy together. His eyes caught mine but he didn't seem surprised or shocked by my presence. That woman was clinging onto him. Both of them were more than just a little drunk. I retreated and turned away from that sight. People were cheering and shouting. It was the new year. I could feel my tears flowing. I felt hurt. That man whom I loved. Everything seemed so logical by then. He had been deceiving me all along. _

_And that girl...all of a sudden she became really familiar. The same person who bought pickles from the grocer and hugged me in the midst of Christmas carols. The same person who became...pregnant. She had loved the same man. Just that she got pregnant. I was deceived. She had suffered more than I did, yet her heart's made of gold. She showed no hatred to the man who had toyed with her body and heart. I couldn't bring myself to be as kind-hearted as her. To love someone...isn't it supposed to be a wonderful thing? It had hurt like hell. No...worse than hell. _

_Kotoko was at the countdown with him. She was that girl whom he kissed and whispered to. Only the clothes and hair were different. And Kotoko is the woman whom I'd grown to love later. Why must things get so complicated? Exactly how long had they been together?_

_The photograph inside one of the pink windbreaker's pockets...showed both of them posing lovingly at the countdown. I didn't know what I should do at that instance. Confronting Kotoko wasn't the best thing to do, since she's pregnant and shouldn't have any sudden emotional outburst which could affect the child. And also she wasn't aware that I had gone out with that guy. I felt so lost. _

_Then there was a cigaretteinside another pocket. The minty cigarette which that guy favoured. That same cigarette that drawn me to the guy. Suddenly a lot of things became very clear to me. It's such a coincidence. _

_The memories that I had tried so hard to discard...came back to me once again._

I had lost track of the time. I didn't know how long I had been in the alley. I couldn't go back to Kotoko's house from that point. I had to do something else. Eventually it became pretty clear. For Kotoko and I. For some other innocent victim. For everything that happened.

That street had remained the same. The cold and windy nights that swept by. The dim lights. The few people who walked by. That store. Then the street had became too familiar, and it wasn't long before I was greeted with an even familiar sight. He was kissing a woman at one dark corner. But I could still see him. That trademark smirk he would wear. The classic good looks. Those eyes. I felt my fists clenching tightly. I approached them without thinking further.

The woman screamed and took off. I delivered a huge punch across his face, sending a big spurt of blood onto the ground. He gave a surprised look yet he couldn't make out who I am. I grabbed him at his collar and delivered another blow on his face. He yelped and fell onto the ground. I sent another few punches repeatedly onto his face. He had no time to respond, for he was half-drunk. Bastard. I grabbed him by the collar again and pinned him against a wall. I punched his abdomen and kicked him at the groin. He screamed. But I knew there wasn't anyone around who could hear him. The street was too quiet. I punched him again and again. But thing is, the more I punched I could feel my own tears streaming down. I was tearing. Soon he collapsed onto the ground unconscious. I wept uncontrollably by his side. All of a sudden I felt so defenceless. My hands were covered in blood. Maybe some were mine.

"You...you...son of a bitch! Why must you do that to us?" I hollered at the unconscious body. I felt the pain rising inside me all over again. The thought of Kotoko and myself being fooled by him simply hurt.

_This is for Kotoko, if not for me._

(to be continued)


	9. Sannin

Ranka's First Ballad

Author's note

Domo arigato for the reviews.

Episode 9: Sannin

"Otosan!" A cutesy and delighted voice called out. I smiled as I scooped up the little one and went on to kiss her cheeks. The little one giggled and played with my nose. My precious musume, Haruhi. Kotoko watched us with a smile, and handed over a piece of tofu. I placed Haruhi back on her feet and took a big chew off the silken curd. Kotoko wiped off the bits that stuck on my chin. I blushed.

"Okaerinasai, anata." Kotoko planted a firm kiss onto my lips. That was one of the rare moments. In my memory, I never had a chance to behave intimately with Kotoko. The kiss kind of shocked me for a while. Kotoko saw my face and chuckled. Haruhi pounced on my leg to get my attention. I recovered and smiled back. We were finally reunited as family. I scooped Haruhi up once again and the three of us began our journey back home. Our home.

Home was a modest but still comfortable apartment. Haruhi giggled and ran happily towards the living hall. Kotoko placed Haruhi's shoes on the rack while I took a good look around the house. It hadn't changed much, but probably because Kotoko had been too occupied to do any changes. Haruhi called for my attention and I went over to the table and sat beside her. _She looks exactly like Kotoko. _I smiled as I played with her hair. Kotoko came in with tea and milk. Haruhi clapped her hands with glee as Kotoko placed the milk on the table. I helped with the tea. I realized that Kotoko's hands were a little dry and worn-out.

"Arigato, Kotoko." I mumbled softly. Kotoko smiled and shook her head. She placed one hand on my knee and another on Haruhi's head. Her next words made my heart melt once more.

"Don't mention. We are family."

-

Later at night, Haruhi was playing by herself in the living hall. Only a couple more hours before she would hit the bed. Kotoko was finishing up the last bit of household chores. I looked out of a window and let out a small sigh. I thought of all the things I'd done. The things Kotoko had done. Were the things done because of love? Sure. Kotoko still had the determination, despite that she looked tired and wrinkled. She never gave up any hope, and sometimes I would wonder where she got all her strength from. Even with increasing demands over time, she would still retain that positive outlook which I couldn't quite figure out. Kotoko had sacrificed a lot, and I could never repay her fully. I wasn't even half as strong as her. But deep inside I was more than willing to do things for her. It would be better if Haruhi takes over Kotoko's traits instead of mine.

"Anata, what are you thinking? Here, have some tea." Kotoko smiled as she placed a cup of warm tea on the table. She turned to Haruhi and said, "Haruhi-chan, remember to go brush your teeth later." Haruhi nodded and let out a giggle. She continued playing with her toys.

"Kotoko, how are you able to manage so much all at once?" I blurted out. Kotoko smiled and put one hand on my face. She turned her gaze to Haruhi and then back to me. "Because of both of you...I have found new strength and motivation each day."

"But I'd been locked up...how could that even be a source of strength?" I asked.

"Anata, you did all that because of us. It's no longer just me, but also our precious daughter. You may lack proper education, but you don't lack upbringing. You have got good character. I brought Haruhi to see you because you deserve that right. Don't ever think you are worthless. You will always be regarded as Haruhi's father, biological or not. Come to think of it, if that man were still around in my life, Haruhi wouldn't have survived. I wouldn't have survived. You did well for us, anata."

I leaned forward and embraced Kotoko. Kotoko felt so warm at that moment. I could feel her hands caressing my hair. I felt like a little child, longing for a mother's care. Kotoko never once complained about her suffering. She contributed with all her heart, and never expected any form of reward. And with Haruhi's presence, she became more giving. Those motherly instincts flowed naturally, and perhaps even way before Kotoko realized she was pregnant had those instincts been evident.

Haruhi playfully pounced on my leg. "Otosan, come play with me!" I turned to her and smiled. Kotoko smiled as well. Haruhi looked so adorable playing with her toys. She pounced on the toy xylophone repeatedly, sending off-key tunes which sounded quite pleasant. She giggled as she hit all the keys over and over again. I couldn't help but cheer up tremendously.

Kotoko placed her hands on my shoulders and massaged them a little. Her hands radiated warmth and love. Somehow I felt sleepy with all that comfort. Kotoko hummed a little tune as she continued to work on my shoulders. Haruhi had stopped 'abusing' her xylophone and decided to play with her teddy bear instead. The atmosphere felt so soothing. We were finally reunited as family. I couldn't imagine anything better than this. Simple pleasures could be beautiful too. Kotoko's voice had a therapeutic effect. Maybe Haruhi had listened to Kotoko singing lullabies before going to sleep. I wouldn't be surprised if Kotoko had done that.

"Anata, falling asleep already?" Kotoko joked. I blushed. Haruhi giggled and shoved her teddy bear into my arms.

"Otosan sleep with teddy tonight?" Haruhi asked. I laughed.

"Let's sleep together as family tonight." I said. Kotoko and Haruhi smiled at the same time.

"Not just tonight. But always." Kotoko corrected.

"Yeah, always..." I nodded. Haruhi clapped her hands happily and started pouncing the xylophone all over again. As she hit the keys haphazardly, she also exclaimed at the top of her voice, "Always!"

Always.

(to be continued)


	10. Confessions

Ranka's First Ballad

Author's note

This chapter is presented entirely in dialogue format.

Episode 10: Confessions

Kotoko: Anata.

Ranka: Hmm?

Kotoko: There's something I'd wanted to ask you before.

Ranka: Which is?

Kotoko: How did you know where to find that guy?

Ranka: That guy? I know him.

Kotoko: You do?

Ranka: Well, long story it is...but that guy deserved to be beaten up.

Kotoko: Tell me about it.

Ranka: About?

Kotoko: The long story. I wanna know.

Ranka: He and I met in a convenient store where I worked. He bought cigarettes everytime he visited. The minty ones.

Kotoko: Hmm.

Ranka: I don't know if you'd been aware of this before...seems to me that he's a bisexual apart from a playboy.

Kotoko: Huh? He's a bisexual? I didn't know...he told me he had dated a few girls before!

Ranka: Yeah, define a few in his context.

Kotoko: Wait, how would you know he's bisexual? He was only a customer to you.

Ranka: That's where the long story is. He and I...we dated a couple of times. Christmas Day it began, and New Year's Day it ended.

Kotoko: Oh...anata, gomen ne. I wasn't aware.

Ranka: Nah, why are you apologizing? You and I didn't know about each other back then. I believed him too much. He lied his way throughout, and to think I held so much anticipation...all the things he said were nowhere close to the truth. He must had used the same tactic on you as well...

Kotoko: I was worse. I became pregnant.

Ranka: One more thing. That New Year's Eve...I saw him with a girl. I didn't pay much attention to the girl, and it was only after I found something that triggered off the shock...

Kotoko: What did you find?

Ranka: Kotoko, remember the time before I went off to find him? I was at your bathroom, and I came across a pink windbreaker hanging on the door hook. Then there was something sticking out from one of the pockets...it was a photograph. A photograph of you and him. The setting was what triggered the shock. You were the girl at that New Year's Eve, Kotoko. The picture was taken on that very day. The same person who he kissed and flirted with. Suddenly, everything became very clear. You got pregnant because of him. You were the one I saw on New Year's Eve.

Kotoko: Oh dear...anata, I'm so sorry!

Ranka: No, please don't apologize. You're not to blame. You may wonder, why did I even bother helping you? Thing is, we were both cheated by him. I never treated you as a love rival or anything. I just wanted to do something...something that would stop that bastard from hurting anymore people. That was how I ended up bashing him. I had a lot of hatred and anger. I almost killed him. I could have delivered another few quick blows to finish him off...but instead I cried by his unconscious side. I guess I was too emotional...

Kotoko: Anata...

Ranka: And I never regretted. It was then I also realized I'd really fallen in love with you.

Kotoko: I love you too.

Ranka: You are a great woman, Kotoko.

Kotoko: All the sacrifices are worth it, anata. You are a good man, so I don't see why you should be deprived of your rights.

Ranka: Yeah, Haruhi is our pride and joy.

Kotoko: I'm glad you are the father instead of him.

Ranka: Haruhi understands, doesn't she?

Kotoko: Yeah, but she still likes you anyway. Because you've saved us from the rough edges.

Ranka: I'm not a good parent...

Kotoko: No no no, don't say that. You are a good man. We want you in this house, anata.

Ranka: Kotoko...

Kotoko: Arigato, anata.

Ranka: Hai. Now we are one family.

Kotoko: For life.

Ranka: Eien ni.

Kotoko: Love you.

Ranka: Same here...

Kotoko: No matter what, you and Haruhi will hold a special place in my heart.

Ranka: Hai.

Kotoko: Eien ni.

(to be continued)


End file.
